Just as it is important to attend to your adoptive child’s emotional well-being it is also important that you attend to your own. Often an adoptee’s behavior is a way of communicating to the adoptive parent that they are hurting and don’t have the language to articulate their complicated emotions in any other way. Trauma experts teach parents to see the need behind the behaviors and to address that need. You may not have caused the trauma you are now trying to parent, but if you are struggling to meet these needs make sure to seek help for yourself so that you can best meet the needs of your adopted child.
It is also important to remember that adopted children have suffered a loss most of us cannot fathom; they deserve and need to know their roots and as adoptive parents we shouldn’t take this desire for full transparency personally.